The Long Haul

let me talk for a minute about being straight edge. its not something i do very often.

when i was 13 years old, i watched my dad suffer and die from pancreatic cancer. it was easily the hardest thing i've ever had to endure in my life. i wondered every day why that was happening to him, and after a little research i realized it wasn't God torturing him, it was his lifestyle choices that brought him to that point. my father liked to drink. alot. so on the morning of september 13th, 2001 when my father died, i decided i would never ever drink again.

I usually dont talk openly about why i am straight edge, but that is the primary reason. after that day, i started to see the world in a whole new aspect. i was still a young teenager, but i could see a shift in how people we starting to have their fun. and i also started to see a shift in the number of friends i had. In high school i spent many friday and saturday nights alone watching cartoons, and wondering what all the other kids did at this time. i realized it was to drive their trucks into the woods, and sit around a fire and get drunk. and id hear the horror stories of how somebody got hurt, or who hooked up with who, and how they'd never drink again... until next friday.

i was lucky enough to have a small handful of friends that felt the same as me about the general public. and we were obviously different, and we made sure that we let everyone know. with green hair, studded jean vests, plaid pants and pad lock necklaces. we were the punks. and we fit the definition of one. we didnt fit into the norm, and often tried to disrupt other peoples fun. we've all grown up now, and have gone in many different directions, some have sold out, and others remain straight edge. but thats the way it goes. to some people its just a phase.

im 21 years old now, and this has been one of the toughest years for me to be straight edge. NOT going to the bar on my birthday got me alot of weird looks. and that brings me to my point... why the fuck is drinking the standard to have fun? the way i see it, if you cant have a good time without a substance, you obviously dont have any substance of your own. you suck, and you need alcohol to make you feel cooler. i honestly could go on for days about this, but i'll spare you the preaching.

straight edge is a conviction. its a life long conviction. or atleast thats how it was meant to be. but you dont have to be straight edge to have convictions on not doing shitty things. some people do it for themselves, a personal conviction without the need for a label. and i honor and respect that. whatever keeps more people away from that garbage is fine from me, and i will always support them.

as for me, this is the path i chose to take. and i will follow it for life. if you have a problem with that, then i want nothing to do with you in my life.

The path we tread

i dont know what it is that makes me so restless, but i always feel the need to travel. its like my feet wont let me stay in one place for too long. i dont know if it was growing up in a small town reading national geographics and trying to imagine a world where there is more than corn fields and gas stations, or if there is an urgency that i've put on life to see everything i can before these eyes shut for the last time. i think it may be a combination of those things along with many others that have drawn me to so many outrageous places, and will surely take me to sights id never imagine i'd see.

i've got so many stories and adventures bottled up inside my head, that i think my memory may be full soon. but i dont want to delete any of it. im happy that at 21 years old i can say ive done many of the things ive done. from climbing the rocky mountains, to sleeping on the gulf coast of mississippi, or skipping stones on the columbia river, and riding dirtbikes in tennessee i feel like ive done enough to die happy. but like any american, what i have is just not enough.

im ready to head overseas. which in fact is my next major endeavor for those of you who dont know. i'll be spending the summer in europe doing what i love to do most. which is play music and travel. i cant begin to tell you how unbelievably happy and thankful i am for this oppurtunity. i never realistically thought i'd ever make it this far or be able to do what im about to do. so to let it be known, i am rediculiously stoked on this!

as for my future travels after the summer. who knows where i may go. or maybe i'll actually want to slow down a bit. maybe find a girl that can make me want to be home a little more, or even someone who would love to experience the outrageous things i do. but one thing is for sure, it's never planned. whatever happens will happen, and i will make the best of it. or atleast try.

What this means to me

my life sometimes has really high points and really low points. like most people. for about exactly one year my life was in a pretty big slump. it was the probably the lowest ive probably ever been. but the last few months ive been working really really hard to change that.

and im happy to say that i think im finally back to a high point.

my problem with good times though is that they dont seem to last long. its rare for me to have this many things going good for me, and not have it blow up in my face. however, from dealing with such terrible conditions this last year, i've learned to savor every bit of goodness that i can find. and even if my life crumbles to peices again, i want to make sure that the time i have now will not go unappreciated. i never want to take anything for granted, because it all means so much to me.

so to everyone who has came into my life, and made it amazing, i thank you and i love you so much for it. :)