Out of a world that isn't my own

I've found it harder to breathe lately. Harder to sleep at night, and harder to put a smile on my face. The earth is slowly closing in around me, I can feel it. I spend my time thinking of ways to escape the crushing pressure of the world I've gotten myself into. Its hard to be honest with myself, but when it does happen, I come to the crippling conclusion that whatever hole I'm in, I've dug for myself. And now its time to dig myself out.

I spent the morning alone in the forest. Its hard to detach yourself from the drudgery of every day life until you step out of society in general. There is magic in leaving behind everything you know and stepping out into an unsure world. Comfort can take away the spark that once made new things exciting. So by changing your surroundings, you can be filled with a new set of feelings that have been laying dormant. I like to feel the earth under me in its purest form, as it was created in the beginning of time. I like to smell real air. I like to lay down in a pine grove and shut my eyes and hear nothing but the sounds of the wind blowing through the bristles above me. I find myself caught up in trivial dilemmas that seem utterly useless in a grand scale. So much time and effort is wasted on making the perfect life, when its so easy to see that the perfect life is laying in the leaves of an ancient tree.

If it weren't for fast cars, and big houses and bright tvs, I wouldn't feel like the weight of the world is crashing down on me. The luxuries in our lives over time have slowly turned the tables to where they control us. No longer is a car a helpful invention to make long distances easier to reach, it's an every day commodity that burdens millions of people with an absurd amount of debt. The same goes for almost every product ever made. We've become slaves of our own creations, and blindly let them control our every thought and decision. This is where I feel the suffocation coming in. I'm torn between feelings for a world that makes every day life a simple execution, but also terrorizes us to the point of depression. Is there a balance to be found between material and meaningful lives? Is it possible to live with convenience without it taking away the beauty of life meant living? Where do I draw the line? These are the thoughts plaguing my mind day after day.

The answer, unfortunately, isn't so black and white. There is no crystal clear guideline that works for every person. The conclusion is one to be made by ones self. That alone is a revelation that has taken me until this point to realize. Cookie-cutter products create cookie-cutter lives. When our lives are controlled by the same products that control the lives of everyone around you, all originality is sucked out. Somehow, our lives have been slowly funneled into one. Doesn't it seem strange that everyone is meant to go to school, and get married and have a family and get a job then retire and die? Our only decision making is selecting the type of cookie we want in our cookie-cutter lives. Where did it become normal for every person to be a spitting image of one another? We have let the systems and devices of our own creation turn the tides and take over our very existence. Is that how it was meant to be?

I'm finally able to take a deep breath. I've isolated the problem in my life. I know I can't be the only one. I can't be the only one who takes a look around and sees a world of disenchantment and disillusion. I can't be the only one who has made an effort to see through what we are being sold and look for true beauty in life. I don't find the satisfaction in working towards a material life, and dying with nothing left fulfilled in my heart. I want to feel the exhilaration of making a life that is one hundred percent mine and perfect in every aspect in accordance of what I wanted to achieve. Devices of man were made to simplify life, not to trap us into a mind set of being enslaved by such things. This is my declaration to depart from a world of limitations and confined thinking. To leave behind every feeling of despair for trivial nonsense, and to seek out a more meaningful purpose of life. I know I can't be the only one. Are you with me?